Despite having a lot of friends with kids, this was the first time I'd ever been to the hospital to visit a newborn. I was at the hospital when my friend Danielle’s first child, Karson, was born, but I had to leave immediately following her birth to drive back to school. I never got to hold Karson at the hospital, or bring flowers and be a part of the baby celebration and fanfare.
Seeing Trish as a new mom wasn't at all as shocking as I thought it might be. Trish is happily married and she's a natural caretaker; of course having a baby is an expected next step. Motherhood had instantly come very easy to her. What did surprise me was how laid back she was about it all; she handed Will over, offering to let me hold him right away.
I declined at first. Not because I didn't want to, but because I always feel so terribly awkward holding newborns. They seem so fragile to me in my inexperience, and it makes me feel stupid that I'm not better at it. Aren't women naturally supposed to know how to hold babies?
I looked up when I heard the word, "circumcision."
Trish looked at the nurse, and then she looked at Mark and then she looked at me.
"Yes. Now. If you're ready?"
I was concerned, of course, for myself. I looked at the nurse, who had motioned for me to put him in the crib she'd brought.
"So you mean you're going to do this now? And I'm the one who has to hand him over? So now he's going to associate this experience me?"
She ignored my antics and asked Trish to sign some form saying she approved the surgery.
I believe her, but what about subconscious association? What if when Will is a teenager he hates me for reasons he can't even explain that all stem from this day?