kids are funny. and mean.

I went to Charleston for Memorial Day weekend. I ate seafood by the water, drank cold beer, and succeeded at being the laziest person in America, moving only when I needed to get to a pool or the beach.

The first pool I went to was the one in Danielle's neighborhood. She took the kids there after they got out of school on Friday. A few minutes after I arrived to meet them, Danielle's four-year old son Greyson emerged from the pool with one of his friends, wearing a rash guard and a circular raft around his waist. As the two made their way towards us, I heard Greyson yell to his friend, “That’s not my Grandma! That’s my Aunt Steph!”



Ouch.

Admittedly I was not looking my very best (I was at the pool!), but I refuse to believe that I look old enough to be someone's grandma. Right? I don't, do I?

Half an hour later, after I'd recovered from the grandma nonsense, I was standing next to Karson in the pool. She rubbed her hand on my leg under the water and then rubbed her mother's leg. She looked at me, as earnest as ever, and said, “How come your leg is so smooth and my mom’s is all rough?”

Without skipping a beat, I said, "Well, your mother is married. And pregnant. Her priorities are different."

wedding tour, part one.

Summertime is here - which means Stephanie's Wedding Tour 2012 is already underway.

I don't know exactly how many weddings I've attended over the years but I know it's a lot. My colleague and I counted once a few years ago and it was in the 60s, which could mean any number of things -- I'm an excellent dancer (true), an excellent gift giver (also true), or I have difficulty saying no to someone when they invite me somewhere (the most true). It definitely means that I'm broke.

I have also been blessed to have made some pretty amazing friends along the way who have allowed me to share in their nuptials.

Going to this many weddings means that I've become somewhat of an expert over the years. Considering this is the season that many of you will be embarking on your own Summer Wedding Tours, here is some completely unsolicited advice I've gathered over the years.

The Do's and Don'ts - from a self-proclaimed wedding professional.

DO wait until you're later in life to get married.

I love the quote from When Harry Met Sally, when Harry says, "When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." I completely believe it myself. But if you wait to get married, the more likely you are to get better parties and better gifts from your friends who now have better jobs than they did when you were all 23. You might luck out with entire set of glasses instead of just one or in some embarrassing cases, none at all (sorry, Kimberly). You may get your own bed at your bachelorette party instead of searching for floor space at a beach condo with 25 of your closest friends (sorry, Katherine).

Well done, Emily and Jay. Your patience will be handsomely rewarded.

Despite having plenty of friends who have waited to get married, Wedding Tour has certainly slowed down in recent years. But even still, family commitments, work responsibilities have all at one point interfered with my plans to rock the "Electric Slide" all summer long. Attending every shower and bachelorette party isn't always possible.

My advice - DO what you can.

Despite pleading with co-workers, I couldn't get off work to attend my friend Emily's wedding in Florida. But I was off the couple of days before the wedding, so I decided, with her blessing, to celebrate at the beach for a few days before.

My abrupt arrival and departure from the weekend's festivities was awkward - especially when people said, "See you tomorrow at the wedding!" and I had to say, "Well, actually . . .you won't . . . but it was so nice to meet you. Bye!!!!!" I was tired at work on Saturday after getting up early to drive back, but I'm so glad I made the trip to be with Emily before her wedding.

DO kick off the wedding weekend with a bang.

In Emily's case, it was a Thursday night beach party at sunset, but any kind of party that welcomes your guests and gives them an opportunity to get to know each other will work. Your wedding is likely (and unfortunately) the only time in your life when everyone you love will be at the same place and the same time, so maximize the time you spend with them.

When you don't know anyone at a wedding besides the bride and groom, DO find the oldest people there and befriend them. They are not necessarily looking to drink as much as possible in a short period of time and they have the best stories.

Take Carl, for example.

Carl immediately took a liking to me when he saw that we were both the party paparazzi, stalking people with our cameras. When we both took a break from taking pictures long enough to have a beer and enjoy the fire, we sparked up a conversation. Carl told me he was a teacher, with a sincere love of science and traveling.

Carl apparently thought I was a lot more popular at this wedding than I actually was because he kept interrupting his stories about all of the amazing countries he'd visited, insisting that I leave him to go hang out with my, "friends." I had to keep reminding him that besides the bride and groom, he was the only other person that I really knew.

He went back to telling me more about his travels. Then he paused and looked out at everyone standing around.

"There sure are a lot of pretty ladies at this wedding," he said.

You got that right, Carl.

Coming in a close second for coolest new friend I met at the pre-wedding festivities was Emily's Granny. She did a little dance for us as we were leaving to head to a bar, so I said, "You need to come with us!"

She said, "I'd love to go, but I've got to hook up!"

I stopped abruptly and looked at her.

"Hook up to my dialysis machine!," she laughed as she walked away.

I. Love. Her. We further sealed our bond while putting fruit skewers together.

DO hire a steel drum band.

DO take part in the fireworks. Weddings are a celebration.

DO NOT light six of them at once.

DO crash the rehearsal dinner - you never know when one of those bridesmaids is going to fall out and the bride is going to be looking for a back up.

Gotta run, I think I hear the Chicken Dance . . . CONGRATULATIONS EMILY AND JAY!

mom's gone wild.

When my ex-boyfriend Mark and I were dating, he never missed an opportunity to tell me what he thought of my college roommate, Kimberly.

"Seriously, Stephanie," he'd say, "She might be the nicest person I've ever met."



I suppose the fervor and frequency of his remarks could've hurt my feelings, especially since in his head he was probably also thinking, "I sure wish you could be more like her," his high praise of Kimberly never bothered me because he's right.

Kimberly is definitely one of the nicest people I've ever met.

She has the infinite wisdom, sweet disposition and comforting tenderness of an 80-year old grandmother and the maturity level and sense of humor of a 13-year old boy in the body of a young, hot mom. Strange, yes, but it somehow makes sense. Anyone in Kimberly's presence can't help but feel good, because she makes them feel that way.



So when she told me she was coming to Atlanta for a weekend visit, I was committed to spending as much time with her as possible.

Even if it meant dropping $60 to go to a Counting Crows concert.

Don't get me wrong, I used to rock out to some "Mr. Jones" back in the day, but this was not a concert that was even on my radar. Honestly, I didn't even know the Counting Crows were still touring, or even still a band for that matter.

But Kimberly was really excited and even though I'd heard they are terrible live, I was excited to hang out with her and Erin, our other dorm mate who possesses two of the greatest qualities I can find in another person - a. she laughs at my jokes and b. she makes me laugh so hard my stomach hurts.






Telling people that I was going to see the band elicited a variety of different responses. Some, like me, were surprised to hear that Counting Crows was still a band.

Several got goofy, nostalgic grins on their faces, a la Kimberly, remembering where they were the first time they ever danced to "Rain King."

A young girl I work with shrugged her shoulders and said, "Counting Crows? That's a band? Never heard of them." I took a deep breath so I wouldn't slap her and then walked away, questioning to myself my taste in music.

The crowd selling out a Counting Crows concert was as diverse as the reactions I received and as much of an enigma as Kimberly.

Apparently cool enough to attract people like the handsome stranger who sold me his extra ticket and then offered to buy me a beer, but still uncool enough to attract people like this guy.



Yikes.

Maybe Adam Duritz's dread locks were a little too long and he was a little too sweaty. (We were all sweaty. It was crazy hot in there.) But he puts on a great show. And I'm not just saying that because I would do anything for Kimberly. Even see a concert full of old timers who think they're still young (myself included.)




He played "Anna Begins," and it took me right back to high school - not the angst-ridden, self-loathing parts, but the carefree, nothing-bad-will-ever happen-to-me high school.



And watching Kimberly (successful businesswoman and mother of two) lift her iPhone high in the air to record every song was worth the price of admission.



For real. That happened.